Augusts….

It is still early August here in Washington and I find myself reflecting on August’s of the past. I still remember the high school thrill of sports starting. For me this meant either volleyball practices or my preferred long cross country distance running. More recently though, August has been this absolutely incredible time of downloads and insights. I’m not really one to commemorate holidays/anniversaries etc but the date that I do really like to come back to is the date I left my ‘big girl job’.

It was August 2019. Early that month, I took myself on a trip to Ouray, Colorado. It is known as the Swiss Alps of Colorado. It is breathtaking. Amazing hikes everywhere, fresh mountain air, crisp mornings and cool evenings. I needed a break. I needed nature. So I loaded up my car and my dog and we headed out. On a particular hike, I remember my sense of hearing zeroing in. It was this explicitly precise recognition of the moment my boot crunched down on a leaf. Like as the leaf was crumbling beneath the weight of my body I could hear the crunch with such clarity. I had never experienced that clear of a sound before. Then the downloads came. Downloads about knowing what I needed to do…. Downloads that it was time for me to do something. 

From one of my hikes in Ouray. It should go without saying that the picture does not do justice. 

At the time, I feigned ignorance. Claiming to myself that I had no idea what this was in reference to. I thought ‘oh maybe it's about the man I’m seeing’ but I was honestly already done in that relationship… I wracked my brain to rationalize anything else it could mean. Then the dream came. I still remember the clarity. The crystal clear crispness of the dream. The airbnb that I stayed in was in the basement of a larger house. I could, on occasion, hear the family upstairs. Nothing overly loud and nothing concerning. This is important for when I describe the dream… in the dream, I am in the basement Airbnb. I am sleeping and wake to the noise of the couple arguing. It is loud arguing. Violent arguing. I had a thought in the dream of ‘are there even police in this tiny town to respond to this’? In the dream, I call the police. The next morning, upon waking, I am still in an ethereal dream world. 

Another view from one of the lovely hikes in Ouray. 

The dream was so vivid, I was convinced it had happened, the arguing. The violence. The call to the police. I looked at my phone to check my call record. I had not called the police. Relief rushed over me. The dream lingered. Something was coming through. Something urgent. I happened to be reading ‘Running with the Wolves’ and I remember reading something in this book about dreams often presenting as a sort of ‘alarm call’, like a need to take action. 

I still feigned ignorance again. Perhaps I wasn’t quite ready to say what I knew I needed or perhaps I couldn’t quite name what I knew I needed to do. 

Either way, I finished the trip while being deep in my experiences. I found myself wandering through what I was going to do with this insightful wisdom coursing through my existence. As I got back into my normative routine, I soon realized that the call to action was in reference to my job. I was the training coordinator for the Division of Adult Parole for the state’s Department of Corrections. The position was stressful; coordinating dates for weapons to be armored, ensuring all the ammunition was accounted for, updating training to meet policy guidelines, and still offering trainings to staff. After having served as a Community Parole Officer and Specialized Trainer prior to this position, I was not new to a stressful position. But I was reaching my limit. My window of tolerance had shrunk and my ability to find balance was nearly diminished. My spiritual practices were not a luxury, they were an absolute necessity. 

The call to action after my Ouray trip was to leave my nearly 12 year tenure with the state. I had an interview with a coffee spot near my apartment, thinking this would be an ideal stepping stone for me. So, with only the clarity that I needed to do something, I knew I needed to do something about my current job. I was stressed, miserable and completely overworking myself in a position and agency that I had such little alignment with. I submitted my 2 week notice. Co-workers all asked whether I was ok, how was going to pay bills. I was very emotional and unsure of why I had such big emotions. I cried nearly every day in my final 2 weeks. I worked with many great people and thought perhaps I was sad to leave them. I had someone ask if I actually was getting fired and if that was why I was so emotional. Though I did work with great folks, the tears weren’t from leaving those relationships and I did not get fired either (to be clear). I now know the emotions were from my soul. My higher self. Weeping at the relief of being freed from such a dreaded existence. 

I’d never made a move quite like that before. Though I had a ‘job’ at a local coffee shop, I lasted 2.5 days before I quit. I fully knew that I would be taken care of (I would tap into my retirement if needed and I also had a bit of cushion from student loans as I was completing my masters degree), I would be ok and I had no idea how any of that was going to work. On August 31, 2019, I turned over my keys and all the stress I’d been carrying. It is still one of the most liberating experiences I’ve been through. 

Fast forward to 2022. I was teaching yoga again. I was working for a local county government with one of the most passionate and hardworking groups of people I've ever known (I honestly loved this team and my position) and I had been working at a few community colleges as an adjunct professor. I was also doing a little bit of consulting work. I felt freed from the chains of full time work, yet still incomplete. Like the part of me that knew to quit also knew that I hadn’t quite found where I was meant to be. 

Then my dad died in April. The man I was seeing ended our relationship shortly after Dad passed. Though I had applied to be considered for a full time faculty position at one of the community colleges, I was not interested in accepting the position had it been offered. I had decided in August I would make a road trip to Canada. It, at the time, would be the furthest I would have driven and the longest time I would have ever been away from my home. And I had so many doubts about going. Is it financially responsible? What would I do for income when I returned? Should I be driving this far away? What if something happens with my dog while we’re traveling? I can list many other questions about my uncertainty. The confidence that I had when I left my position in Parole was seemingly gone. 

Putting my faith in heaven’s, I asked the universe for a sign as to whether I should go. The next morning, I got up and took my dog for a walk, as we do every morning. This particular morning, I saw a kiddo wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt. I commented on his shirt, thinking rarely had I seen kids wearing a disney character that I recognize.  That morning, I had to take my car to the dealership, as an indicator light came on (I thought this was potentially THE sign). As I am in the uber from the dealership, I notice the driver is wearing a shirt with Mickey Mouse all over it. I happened to be telling her about my Canada trip when I noticed her shirt. 

As I got my car back from the dealership, I happened to glance down into the front passenger side foot area. I had gotten some windshield sun blockers and the wrapper was there on the floor. But what I notice now is a Mickey Mouse sticker. It is as though that clarity with the leaf came back. My awareness is immersed in Mickey. It was clear that the universe is sending signs. What does all this mean?! I get back to my apartment and I am reaching around a top cabinet to find a lid to some tupperware. I unintentionally grabbed a hold of something I couldn't piece together with just touch. It was the Mickey Mouse mug from the millennial celebration in Disney World from 2000, the trip I went on with my dad’s entire side of the family from nearly 20 years earlier.

 I stopped what I was doing. I texted a friend, hoping he would help me piece together the Mickey messages. I called a bestie. Knowing she would be an ear I could bend to sort through the signs. Then it all came together. What I had recently learned after my dad died, as I was looking through pictures with family, was that in 2000, when my family was doing the preparations for the trip, my dad did not want to go; amusement parks, Disney things were not so much his jam. He ended up going, along with about 40 of us in the family. And it was an amazing time. I don’t think I’d gone on any big trips like that before in my life, I had never been to Disney World nor the Atlantic ocean. 

The message was clear. Dad didn’t want to go on that trip, he went and had a blast. Though I was nervous about being so far away and being away from home for so long, I would be ok. I was meant to go to Canada. 

And, the signs, I now know are clearly from my dad, didn't end with the mug. That same night, I happened to be meeting my aunt and uncle who arranged for the trip to Disney World. I shared the day’s events with them and we went to an outdoor concert, a string quartet playing SciFi tunes. Oddly, or maybe not at all odd, the group happened to play a song from a Disney movie. Call Beauty and the Beast SciFi, or maybe it was a sign from my dad. 

Another amazing spot in Banff National Park. This was one of my favorite spots, much less populated than Lake Lousie and honestly just as pristine. 

So, I end up going on this amazing trip to Canada. There was a few nights stay in Montana then we enjoyed the absolutely stunning area of Golden near the Blaeberry river. The air carried the sweetness of maple and the water was unlike anything I’d tasted. Sweet, fresh and clear.The scenery was breathtaking. We went to the Canadian Glacier National Park, Yoho and Banff National Parks and stopped along the way at many other places. More on this trip in another section, because what I want to tell you is that this trip, though I still experienced some doubts about going and had one tiny concern that I may run out of gas in the middle of northern Montana, absolutely paved the way for an even bigger adventure and allowed the space for many ideas to come through. 

Can you just see the freedom on my face?! This is from Lake Louise, yes, that Lake Lousie in Banff National Park- Canada. 

Upon returning to Colorado, I had this irresistible urge, a pulling that, like the time in Ouray, I couldn’t ignore. Though I can’t say I remember any specific downloads like I did in Ouray, I just knew it was time to make another leap. In short, I packed up my apartment in Denver and left the state for what turned into a nearly eight month road trip extravaganza with my dog. I am confident that I am still reflecting on this huge journey. 

One final reflection about August 2022, I had a flood of ideas about my own business. About things I wanted to make and sell, bringing my yoga to youtube and a slew of other ventures. I didn’t know how it would all come together, just that the ideas were flowing and I trusted that in time, I would know what to do with all these ideas. 

Well, welcome to August of 2024. I’ve been having a resurgence of all the ideas from 2022. How I can bring my experiences of liberation, love, downloads and signs along with all the education (both academic and wellness related) to more people… that is a preview of coming attractions. 

So much more to share soon.

For now, I want to highlight that there is such auspiciousness in the world. When you experience the whispers of downloads, hear the crunch of a leaf with such clarity, check your phone from such an intense call to action… trust that the universe is working with you. Trust that you will be taken care of. Trust that this life is meant to be amazing. 

Happy August my friends.